baby you light up my world like nobody else.

i was hanging with a bunch of girls last night. i needed to get away so i went with my friend from beauty school to her town and stayed at her house.. we went and hung with a bunch of her friends. as we were all sitting there talking and actually having a good time one of the girls got on the phone.. and started screaming. before all of this, this girl was talking about how her and her boyfriend are always SOO good and blah blah blah. then she gets on the phone with him (after seeing some drama on facebook from when they were broken up) and starts screaming at him. “YOU ACT LIKE YOU WERE SO FUCKING INNOCENT WHEN I BROKE UP WITH YOU FOR THAT TWO IN A HALF MONTHS. FUCK YOU. YOUR A PIECE OF SHIT. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. AND FUCK YOU.”

i sat there and listened to this and my mouth seriously dropped. 

how the hell can you even talk to someone you love like that? and so seriously. 

i wont ever understand why my relationship had to end the way it did. but it makes me so angry when i see couples like this who are together and think they are happy and perfect. 

i wouldn’t ever be able to talk to the person i love like that, not in the whole time i had dated him had i ever talked to him like that. so how is that love? how can that girl honestly call what she has love? 

and then my friend from beauty school says “oh don’t worry this is normal for them”

HOW CAN THAT BE NORMAL?! 

i dont know what the hell is the point of this post. nobody is going to read it anyway. and i dont really know what my point is to this either.. 

i guess what i’m trying to say is how do couples like that even deserve to be with eachother or deserve to call what they have love?

it also made me angry because all i could think to myself was “my relationship was never this bad.. i would never have ever let my relationship get this bad”.. 

all in all… it was given up on. way too soon.

theres seriously relationships like what i explained above.. who claim they are perfect?! 

the relationship i had must have been over the top. 

these past three days i have been sitting, wondering, if the guy i am so unconditionally in love with has forgotten about me.. and it is the worst feeling in the fucking world.

sitting… wondering what they could be thinking and if they ever are missing you like you are desperately missing them.

nothing feels right. and i will never be the same.

i dont care if noone reads this.. i just needed something to let my feelings out on.. cuz i have so much bottled in. 

i guess all i can do is keep living my life.. and hope nothing but the best for him. and i do.. i wish NOTHING but the best for you. and i will forever be sorry and regretting the thought of me not being good enough for you anymore.. i feel like i will live with the shame for a very long time. 

i don’t just love you, i will always love you. 

feelings like this just don’t go away. especially when you know that it shouldn’t be this way. 

but life is all about learning. but the thing is, i more than learned, i lost.